Erin: Hi.
Faryl: howdy
youve been gone a while
Erin: I've been working my ass off to meet this ridiculous deadline they gave me. And they just pushed it back, so ...
Hi.
What'cha been up to since I've been gone?
Faryl: nothing too important
Erin: No?
Faryl: nah. made a couple trailers but that was the highlight and those were pretty bad films
Erin: :( Poor Faryl. I'm going to get you a tiny pool table for your desk for days like today.
Faryl: that would rock
Erin: Yeah?
Alright, it's a deal.
You can be a mini pool player extraordinaire. ESPN will have a day dedicated to you and your life story.
"It all started when her friend gave her her first mini pool table to ward off workplace boredom.
Little did they know, a star was about to be discovered."
Faryl: sweet i can see it now...
i'll have a room full of mini pool tables
and a gold plated one in a glass case
Erin: Yes!!!!
And a mini pool cue made of solid gold that you keep on your wall.
Above the singing fish.
Faryl: aww that's the life
Erin: And Budweiser will be your sponsor and make sure your Winnebago is ALL decked out.
I'm calling ESPN right now.
Faryl: you get on that, Agent
Erin: Sweet! Does that mean I'm officially hired?
Faryl: i'll have the contract faxed over first thing monday morning.
Erin: Wow, I'm honored!
I'll make sure you get only the best endorsements and party deals.
Faryl: that's all I ask
Erin: Alright, I'm excited for this now. You'll get your first mini pool table soon so you can start practicing to be a star like I know you will be.
Faryl: This makes you my enabler
Erin: Only if you start drinking your Budweiser endorsements and become a dirty alcoholic who used to be the world's premier mini pool champ.
Don't do it, kid. Stay away from the bottle.
I wish I'd had someone to give me advice like that.
Wouldda saved my Ma a lot of heartache, I'll tell you that.
Faryl: We're all given a second chance, this could be yours
Erin: You can be what I could have been, kid. With my experience and your fresh face, we'll be unstoppable. The mini pool world will be taken by storm and turned upside down.
You and me, kid. You and me.
Faryl: start montage
You could have been a contender. the bottle destroyed your career, don't let it happen again
Erin: I coulda been a contender!!!
You're the wind beneath my wings. I'll never turn to good ole Jack or José any more.
Faryl: I better not see any rum in that Coke
Erin: See? With you watching out for me I know I can keep my promise and stick to the 12 steps.
Faryl: You must first forgive yourself before you can forgive anyone else
Erin: I don't know if I can do it, Faryl. I don't think I can go to that place in my soul and come out of the darkness again. It's just ... so dark in there. You know? I just caused so much pain and anguish, I don't know if I can ever redeem myself.
Do you think Von Baby Jesus can forgive me?
Faryl: The first step is acceptance, once you have accepted your mistakes Von Baby Jesus will too
Erin: Hold me, Faryl! I need to know that I have at least one person who can see the awful things in my past and forgive me for them! Please, Von Baby Jesus, help your lost lamb find her way back to the flock!
Faryl: Say 5 Hail Mary's and you will be forgiven
Erin: 1. Hail Mary, full of grace, hallowed be thy name. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall not fear death. For my God is a benevolent God, and the only one who could ever reach me was the son of a preacher man.
2. Hail Mary, fuller of grace, halloweder be thy name. Yea, though I walk farther through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall not fear death. For my God is a sooper benevolent God, and the only one who could ever teach me was the son of a preacher man.
Faryl: ok thats good
Erin: All done now?
Faryl: yes you are forgiven
Erin: Praise Von Baby Jesus!
Faryl: Now for the rehab
Erin: I said no, no, no.
Faryl: haha oh god
Erin: Not even He can help us now, my friend.
Faryl: no, no he can't
Erin: That's because He's jealous of how endlessly awesome we are.
Faryl: Oh Von Baby Jesus. Jealousy is the devil's tool
Erin: Hallelujah!
2 comments:
I'd bet on you every time.
I'm happy that you ladies were getting paid while having this conversation!
As for endorsements, I think an energy drink would be safer, and you could put a spin on it that Faryl is a role model and doesn't feel her younger fans need to see her chug a Bud after winning. Yes, spin.
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