When will it stop?

-- Masochist, by Ingrid Michaelson

The crazy, that is. When will it stop? Let's discuss the numerous instances of crazy over the last week.

Monday: This day sucked. Well, the morning did. It was the beginning of Sans Boss Lady Week, as she was out on vacation. It sunk in on Monday that I'd be dealing with SBTL all week and that I still had no clue how to work this software that is absolutely central to my job. I was uber-frustrated with myself for being so dense about business and all its stupid procedures and financial ... stuff. Luckily, mommie talked me off the ledge, and I spent the rest of the day wading through tutorials and practice runs to learn the Damn Program.

Tuesday: SBTL is at my desk answering yet another of my questions re: the Damn Program. She explains, then turns to walk back to her desk.

*cue earthquake*

She takes off like a shot for the nearest sturdy object, which luckily was not far away. She looks back and forth between me and MA/WME* with the single most terrified look I have ever seen in person on her face. Poor thing. It probably wouldn't have been as funny as it was if she didn't insist on the Tough Broad attitude. Needless to say, the rest of the day was lost to Earthquake Freakout / Recap Time. Lunch with Sam was rushed and short because I was still shaken up. (See what I did there? Yay, puns.) Not so much from the earth moving, but from the "Oh, by the way. We have a last-minute, but SOOPER IMPORTINT project due nao. Go." I got from The Owner just before lunch. Sheesh, Tuesday was a wreck.

Wednesday: Has been nicknamed The Longest Day Known to Man Me. The crazy on this day? Nothing happened. I think I gave up and read at my desk at one point. I can't be sure because the sheer boredom of the day erased random parts of my memory. Dinner with Sam and Mush was the only thing that kept me from losing all my marbles.

Thursday: My immune system decides to take the day off. Luckily, Giggly has just gotten over her cold. Oh wait, no she hasn't.

I proceed to catch the remnants of her week-long cold and incubate them to within an inch of a full-blown cold of my own. I stave off completing the process of infection with massive amounts of Airborne (yes, I know about the lawsuit, no I don't care) and vitamin C. And some nose-swab thing that SBTL gave me. She must be warming up to me if she's willing to share her cold-fighting weapons with me, right?

Friday: The King of Crazy for the week. MA/WME asks me to call and order a brochure for her. We have the old ones, and we need new ones to show clients. I call, and find out two things:

1) The company is located somewhere in the South
2) EVERYONE is out of the office or away from their desks

So I send an e-mail to their Literature Request Department. In it I state that I need printed copies of the brochures, not the PDFs that they offer online. Only the best for our clients. I get a call back about an hour later from one of their representatives, who sounds like she's sixty and only has cats for friends. She just wants to confirm our shipping address so she can overnight the brochures.
This is how the conversation goes: (bear in mind this woman sports a ridiculously Southern accent)

Southern Salesgrandmalady: In your e-mail you mention that you want printed copies instead of-- what's this now? A pee. Dee. Ayf?
My Brain: *silence and flashbacks to "Shiny Disk" Man*
Southern Salesgrandmalady: A pee dee ayf? What's that now, honey?
My Brain: *still computing how to explain a PDF in simple terms to someone who doesn't know*
Southern Salesgrandmalady: Hello?
Me: Um, it's like a ... picture ... of a document. Does that. Make. Sense? Like the ... digital ... brochures you guys have on your website.
Southern Salesgrandmalady: Oh, sure sure. So I'll send you them brochures overnight, sugar.
Me: Thanks? *has no idea what she's going to get in the mail now*

The girls and I laughed about that ALL DAY. I understand being a bit of a luddite, but if you can turn on your computer and open an e-mail, surely you know what a PDF is. Am I wrong?

Saturday: Shirley. 'Nuff said.


Whew! So there it is, the week in review. And looking back, I think I don't want the crazy to stop. Well, except for Monday's crazy. Good riddance to that.

Sorry if this was boring and long-winded. At least you got the Reader's Digest version, I had to live it! ;)
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* = MexicAsian / Worst Mexican Ever, the office nickname for this woman, not mine. She hates tortillas, can't cook and won't eat spicy food. Her own mother branded her the Worst Mexican Ever. And apparently Giggly decided she has Asian eyes, thus MexicAsian was born. They were both too good to pick just one blog alias for her.

Here I am, insecure for now

-- This is Only for Now, by Charlotte Sometimes

One: My secondary boss-type lady (SBTL from here on out), the one I was convinced hated me at first but has been slowly warming up to me, is crazy. It’s a very long, very complicated story, but the gist of it is something like this:

- SBTL asks me to keep track of this flood of warranties that vendors are e-mailing to us.
- I decide to create a spreadsheet to organize the relevant data. Vendor name, product, date warranty was received, who sent it, etc.
- I show said spreadsheet to SBTL before she leaves, so she knows which vendors we have yet to hear from.
- SBTL calls me an overachiever.
- Cue massive WTF? moment, while I try not to shrivel up from the emotional cramping.

She said it like she was joking, but she wasn’t. The term “passive-aggressive” comes to mind. And yet, I still maintain that she abhors my very existence a little less every day. Okay, maybe every week. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.

Two: My giggly co-worker (we’ll call this one Giggly), who is basically spearheading the effort to integrate me into the circle, invited me to her birthday party this weekend. At a club. And I said I’d go. Let’s recap, shall we?

- I don’t really know any of these women, though they are all genuinely sweet to me.
- I’ve never been to a club, nor do I have any real desire to.
- Drinking is at the bottom of my fun scale. It’s the title of theirs.

Oh my, this will certainly be memorable. I am tentatively forecasting good stories when I return. :)

Three: I LOVE this job. It’s unreal how much fun I’m having. And I harbor no delusions about the fleeting nature of this feeling, but I’m going to enjoy it while I can. So I would like to take this opportunity to thank the gods of luck for the generosity they have bestowed upon me, yet again. *genuflects*

"Am I a complete raving lunatic ...

or have we not been paid ANYTHING in three weeks?"
"Can't both be true?"
-- Wild Writer (Bobcat Goldthwait) and Father Writer (Robert Klein), Radioland Murders

Payday? Is awesome. Now I remember why working doesn't suck twice a month.

Actually, I think I'm still in the honeymoon phase with The Nine-to-Five (which is actually the Eight Thirty-to-Five Thirty). I spent most of last week out in the field at a brand new site, meeting a trillion new people and generally not knowing what the hell was going on. When they said they were going to train me for the Project Manager position, I think what they meant was, "we're going to throw your ass into the deep end of the rat race. And if don't drown, you can has higher pay bracket! Isn't that nice?"

My boss is trying desperately to take the time to explain what she's doing and why, but she's so busy keeping tabs on EVERYTHING that's going on, sometimes she forgets. She talks out loud to keep her mind focused on the higher priority things, but I can never tell if she's talking to herself or addressing me. Which means I stare at her like the clueless greenhorn I am until she either tells me what she wants me to do in layman's terms or tells me to ignore the rambling.

But the bloom is definitely still on the rose. Everyone down at the office has been amazingly nice to me, and very tolerant of my endless barrage of questions. Even the one woman that I was convinced hated me has been kinda, in her own way warming up to me. I spend more time out of the office than in, and even though I've been told that's unusual and not to get used to it, I am having tons of fun learning the ropes and meeting people. Here's to hoping this trend continues for a while longer!
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Also, WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE MY 30 Rock DVDs?! I cannot find them anywhere, and I am immensely saddened. Blerg.