I Spy Some Funny. Again.

Background:
One day Faryl was bored at work and asked me why the day was taking so long. I figured that she should have this conversation with the day itself, so I decided to play the role. Now when she's bored at work, she addresses Day directly, hence the brief narrative switch from Erin to Day. My alter ego had to step in for me for reasons that will become clear as you read.

Also, we play long-distance I Spy all day. We're just that cool.

On with the show.


Erin: Now I Spy something high.

Faryl: has SBTL been smoking pot again?

Erin: Hold on a minute while I pick myself up off the floor and wipe the tears from my eyes. You kill me with your funny.

Faryl: haha good.
hmm.
19. does it use power?

Erin: Yes.

Faryl: 18. is it florescent?

Erin: Nope.
P.S. I had to talk to SBTL just now, and I was starting to crack a little towards the end. I can never look at her the same after that. Thank you.

Faryl: i do what i can

Erin: Yes you certainly do.

Faryl: 17. does it make cold air?

Erin: Nope.

Faryl: 16. is it on the ceiling?

Erin: Yes.

Faryl: 15. is there one on my ceiling?

Erin: Yes.
Wait.
It COULD be on the wall.

Faryl: hmm. 14. does it come in various colors?

Erin: I think it always has to be the color it is. I've seen people paint them, but I'm pretty sure that's not allowed.

Faryl: 13. does it warn you if something's wrong?

Erin: Yes.

Faryl: 12. does it light up?

Erin: In a manner, yes.

Faryl: 11. does it make annoying noises?

Erin: You betcha.

Faryl: 10. i'm going to have to guess SBTL again

Erin: Day: I'm sorry, Erin's dead now. I'm going to have to take over from here.

Faryl: aw ok Day.
9. does it need its batteries replaced?

Erin: Day: Yes.

Faryl: 8. Oh so SBTL's sex toys?

Erin: God: Fuck. You killed Erin AND Monday?

Faryl: jeez, they're dropping like flies

Erin: God: Well, you're damn funny, woman.

Faryl: 7. is it smokin'?

Erin: God: Well, it doesn't smoke itself, no.

Faryl: 6. does it need a smoke?

Erin: God: Like I need your donations every Sunday.
Which is to say, yes.

Faryl: 5. does it drink too?

Erin: God: It's a heathen in all ways. I really messed up when I was creating this one.

Faryl: well i don't think Regina George is in your office but ok

Erin: God: Ooo, burn. Yeah, sorry about that one. I let Von Baby Jesus take over for a minute, and he obviously wasn't ready.

Faryl: tisk tisk

Erin: God: Dude, I heard the ice cream truck. What do you want from me? I had to get outside quick, and Little Jesus was the only one around.

Faryl: well i can't blame you

Erin: God: Right? Who doesn't love those ice cream bars shaped like Bugs Bunny? Gumballs for eyes, mmmm.

Faryl: mm

Erin: God: See?
I was totally justified.
But still, sorry about her.

Faryl: right

Faryl: oh its a smoke detector

Erin: God: Yays!

Erin: God: So, since I'm all omniscient and shit, you want me to see if I can get Erin back here for you? The game would probably last longer.

Faryl: yeah that sounds good

Erin: God: Alright, hang on a sec.


God: Yo, Hell!

Hell: Word up, God.

God: Can I get Erin back, please? Her friend kinda needs her to play I Spy.

Hell: I dunno, man. She's, like, saving seats or some shit. Lemme go see what I can do.

God: Appreciate it, Hell.

Hell: Looks like she's willing to go back if I promise to keep her and her friends together when they all get here. I think I can swing that, they'll be fun to watch.

God: Thanks man, I owe you one.

Hell: No worries, Dog. Shout at ya later.

God: You know I hate it when you call me Dog. The irony is painful.

Hell: You love it.


God: Alright, my child. I got your friend back for you. Have fun playing I Spy with her, and try not to kill her so much, hmm?

Faryl: i'll do my best

Erin: God: That's all I can ask. Peace.

Faryl: And also with you

Faryl Saar, World Mini Pool Champion

Erin: Hi.

Faryl: howdy
youve been gone a while

Erin: I've been working my ass off to meet this ridiculous deadline they gave me. And they just pushed it back, so ...
Hi.
What'cha been up to since I've been gone?

Faryl: nothing too important

Erin: No?

Faryl: nah. made a couple trailers but that was the highlight and those were pretty bad films

Erin: :( Poor Faryl. I'm going to get you a tiny pool table for your desk for days like today.

Faryl: that would rock

Erin: Yeah?
Alright, it's a deal.
You can be a mini pool player extraordinaire. ESPN will have a day dedicated to you and your life story.
"It all started when her friend gave her her first mini pool table to ward off workplace boredom.
Little did they know, a star was about to be discovered."

Faryl: sweet i can see it now...
i'll have a room full of mini pool tables
and a gold plated one in a glass case

Erin: Yes!!!!
And a mini pool cue made of solid gold that you keep on your wall.
Above the singing fish.

Faryl: aww that's the life

Erin: And Budweiser will be your sponsor and make sure your Winnebago is ALL decked out.
I'm calling ESPN right now.

Faryl: you get on that, Agent

Erin: Sweet! Does that mean I'm officially hired?

Faryl: i'll have the contract faxed over first thing monday morning.

Erin: Wow, I'm honored!
I'll make sure you get only the best endorsements and party deals.

Faryl: that's all I ask

Erin: Alright, I'm excited for this now. You'll get your first mini pool table soon so you can start practicing to be a star like I know you will be.

Faryl: This makes you my enabler

Erin: Only if you start drinking your Budweiser endorsements and become a dirty alcoholic who used to be the world's premier mini pool champ.
Don't do it, kid. Stay away from the bottle.
I wish I'd had someone to give me advice like that.
Wouldda saved my Ma a lot of heartache, I'll tell you that.

Faryl: We're all given a second chance, this could be yours

Erin: You can be what I could have been, kid. With my experience and your fresh face, we'll be unstoppable. The mini pool world will be taken by storm and turned upside down.
You and me, kid. You and me.

Faryl: start montage
You could have been a contender. the bottle destroyed your career, don't let it happen again

Erin: I coulda been a contender!!!
You're the wind beneath my wings. I'll never turn to good ole Jack or José any more.

Faryl: I better not see any rum in that Coke

Erin: See? With you watching out for me I know I can keep my promise and stick to the 12 steps.

Faryl: You must first forgive yourself before you can forgive anyone else

Erin: I don't know if I can do it, Faryl. I don't think I can go to that place in my soul and come out of the darkness again. It's just ... so dark in there. You know? I just caused so much pain and anguish, I don't know if I can ever redeem myself.
Do you think Von Baby Jesus can forgive me?

Faryl: The first step is acceptance, once you have accepted your mistakes Von Baby Jesus will too

Erin: Hold me, Faryl! I need to know that I have at least one person who can see the awful things in my past and forgive me for them! Please, Von Baby Jesus, help your lost lamb find her way back to the flock!

Faryl: Say 5 Hail Mary's and you will be forgiven

Erin: 1. Hail Mary, full of grace, hallowed be thy name. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall not fear death. For my God is a benevolent God, and the only one who could ever reach me was the son of a preacher man.
2. Hail Mary, fuller of grace, halloweder be thy name. Yea, though I walk farther through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall not fear death. For my God is a sooper benevolent God, and the only one who could ever teach me was the son of a preacher man.

Faryl: ok thats good

Erin: All done now?

Faryl: yes you are forgiven

Erin: Praise Von Baby Jesus!

Faryl: Now for the rehab

Erin: I said no, no, no.

Faryl: haha oh god

Erin: Not even He can help us now, my friend.

Faryl: no, no he can't

Erin: That's because He's jealous of how endlessly awesome we are.

Faryl: Oh Von Baby Jesus. Jealousy is the devil's tool

Erin: Hallelujah!